X-Treme Latin Unleash Your Inner Gladiator

Preface Praefatio pry-FAH-tih-oh Itís often said that Latin is a dead language Lingua Latina saepe dicitur mortua esse LEEN-gwah lah-TEE-nah SIGH-pay DEE-kih-tuhr MOHR-too-ah EHS-she Baloney! Nugas! NOO-gahss! Itís just been taking a long nap Modum iam pridem meridiatur MOH-duhm yahm PREE-dehm meh-ree-dih-AH-tuhr And itís been talking a lot in its sleep Iam diu autem multa verba facit dormiens Yahm DIH-ooh OW-tehm MOOL-tah WEHR-bah FAH-kiht DOHR-mih-ehns In fact, you canít get it to shut up Re vera, non potes eam in silentium redigere Ray WAY-rah nohn POH-tess EH-ahm ihn sih-LAYN-tih-uhm reh-DIHG-eh-reh Look aroundóLatin is all over the place, like a cheap toga CircumspiceóLingua Latina se pandit ubique tanquam toga vilis KEER-kuhm-spih-kehóLEEN-gwah lah-TEE-nah say PAHN-diht ooh-BEE-kweh TAHN-kwaum TOH-gah WIH-liss Lawyers use it to screw you Iurisperiti ea utuntur ut te defraudent Yoo-riss-peh-REE-tee EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr uht tay deh-FROW-dehnt Doctors use it to scare you shitless Medici hac lingua utuntur ut alvum evacues ex metu MEH-dih-kee hock LEEN-gwah uh-TOON-tuhr uht AHL-wuhm ay-WAH-koo-ays eks MEH-tooh Politicians use it to hide their tracks while they rob you blind Magistratus ea utuntur ad operienda vestigia cum te despoliant Mah-gihs-TRAH-toohs EH-ah uh-TOON-tuhr ahd oh-pehr-ih-AYN-dah wehs-TEE-gih- ah kuhm tay deh-SPOH-lih-ahnt Priests use it to weasel their way out when they get caught playing hide-the-sausage with the altar boys Sacerdotes in stupro cum acolytis deprehensi ea utuntur ut se criminibus absolvent Sah-kehr-DOH-tays ihn STOOP-roh kuhm ah-koh-LEE-teese day-preh-HAYN-see EH- ah uh-TOON-tuhr uht say krih-MIHN-ih-buhss ahb-SOHL-wahnt Even garden supply stores use it to get you to buy overpriced, short-lived houseplants Etiam venditores rerum hortensium ea utuntur ad persuadendum tibi ut emas maximo pretio plantas vitae brevis EH-tih-ahm wehn-dih-TOHR-ace RAY-ruhm hohr-TAYN-sih-uhm EH-ah uh-TOON- tuhr ahd pehr-swah-DAYN-duhm TIH-bee uht EH-mahs MAHK-sih-moh PREH-tih-oh PLAHN-tahs WEE-tye BREH-wihss The fact is, for too long these dirtbags have had a monopoly on this mighty tongue Diutius quidem haec propudia monopolio huius magnifici sermonis fruuntur Dih-OO-tih-uhs KWIH-dehm hike proh-POOH-dih-ah moh-noh-POH-lih-oh HOO-eeh- uhss mahg-NIH-fih-kee sehr-MOH-nihss frooh-OON-tuhr But now, thanks to this little book, you too can tap the awsome power of Latin to dismay the ignorant multitudes Nunc vero, huius libelli gratia, tu quoque potentia reverenda linguae Latinae uti potes ad indoctum vulgus consternandum Nuhnk WAY-roh, HOO-eeh-uhss lih-BEHL-lee GRAH-tih-ah, too KWOH-kweh poh- TAYN-tih-ah reh-weh-RAYN-dah LEEN-gwigh LAH-tih-nigh OO-tee POH-tehss ahd ihn-DOHK-tuhm WUHL-guhs kohn-stehr-NAHN-duhm And best of all, youíll be able to insult and abuse one and all in perfect safety, using a language that everyone respects but practically no one understands Atque haec est optima ratio omnium: maledicere cunctis hominibus et contumeliam imponere satis impune poteris verbis augustis quae cum omnes magno aestimant, tum nemo ferme intellegit AHT-kweh hike ehst OHP-tih-mah RAH-tih-oh OHM-nih-uhm: mah-leh-DEEK-eh-reh KOONK-tees hoh-MIHN-ih-buhss eht kohn-tuh-MAY-lih-ahm ihm-POH-neh-reh SAH- tihss ihm-POO-neh poh-TEH-rihss WAYR-beese ow-GOOS-teese kwy kuhm OHM-nays MAHG-noh EYE-stih-mahnt tuhm NEH-mo FAYR-meh ihn-TEHL-leh-giht And as you pepper your speech with catapult-powered put-downs, remember the immortal words of Maximus as he signaled the attack in Pannonia Itaque cum spargis orationem tuam praepotentibus opprobriis, memento verborum immortalium quae Maximus fecit signum dans in Pannonia: Ih-TAH-kweh kuhm SPAHR-ghiss oh-rah-tih-OH-nehm TOOBeard, Henry is the author of 'X-Treme Latin Unleash Your Inner Gladiator', published 0008 under ISBN 9781592400140 and ISBN 1592400140.