When He's Married to Mom How to Help Mother-enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love And Commitment

1. ANNE'S DILEMMA The Man Who Won't Commit Sonny and Anne sat on the front porch of his mother's house, talking in whispers. Anne felt almost beyond tears. Sonny sat beside her, confused. "You'll never find a better woman than me," Anne was saying. "Except your mother, of course," she added, her anger breaking through to sarcasm. "This isn't about my mother," Sonny said. He tried to explain, for what felt like the hundredth time. "So my mother relies on me. What's wrong with that? I'm her only son. She can't manage on her own. She needs to know I'mtherefor her." Anne stood up, barely containing herself. "That's not what it's about! Your mother never lets you alone. She interrupts us day and night; you never say no to her." Anne walked toward the steps, pulling on her coat. "Go ahead, go take care of her! I've just about had it." Sonny started after Anne, but then he stopped. He didn't know what to do. He knew he loved her, but . . . . "You're being silly," he said. "This isn't her fault." Just then the front door opened, and Sonny's mother, Ruth, leaned halfway out, clutching a flowered robe around her. "Sonny," she said, ignoring Anne, "I forgot to tell you . . . . the men to fix the lights are coming tomorrow afternoon." Sonny stood up and put his arm around his mother. "That's good, Mom," he said. "I'm glad you're getting those bathroom lights fixed. That flickering is driving me crazy." "So, you'll come maybe for lunch . . . . then, when they show up, you'll tell them what's wrong?" "I've got to work tomorrow, Mom. The men will know what to do, just show them the lights." "I hate to be alone with strange men here. It makes me so nervous." "Okay, Mom. Call me when they come, and I'll talk to them." Ruth's lip quivered; then she shrugged. "If that's the best you can do . . . . " She shook her head and went back inside. Anne was halfway down the steps. She turned around. "I love you, Sonny, but I'm thirty-five. I can't wait forever." Sonny was beginning to feel guilty and angry, and these feelings scared him. "If you let me get away," Anne was saying, "twenty years from now, you'll regret losing the love of your life. And twenty years from now, regret will be all you have. But now . . . .now you can do something about it." "Anne," Sonny began, "What do you want me to say?" "Make a decision. Say yes, say no, but don't keep me waiting like this." Sonny stood, speechless. Something in him wanted to say no, just to get it over with. But, somehow, the word "regret" had struck a chord. Why couldn't he decide? He'd always been this way, and he hated it. It was so hard making decisions. Anne sensed Sonny's desperation. She saw how stuck he was. She didn't want to leave him, but she just couldn't take this anymore. Something had to give. What could she do? Anne's Had Enough Anne first came to see me a few weeks after her confrontation with Sonny on his mother's porch.Hewas too stuck to look for help, butAnnewanted answers. And she wasn't afraid to see someone about it. She radiated competence and control, and I wasn't surprised when she told me she had gone to Yale Law School. She wanted to talk to me about her fiance, she said, sitting down in my big leather chair and crossing her legs without relaxing. "It's not that I'm whining," she began, "but he won't let us set a date for the wedding. He says he loves me, but I just can't pin him down. He always puts me off." "What does he say?" "Well, he's always very busy. It didn't start out like this. When we first met, he called me every day. We had dinner every night. He was smart, funny, and crazy about me. I said to myself: This is the man! He wants children. I want children. Let's get on with it." "So then . . . . " I suggested. "And, so, well, nothiAdams, Kenneth M. is the author of 'When He's Married to Mom How to Help Mother-enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love And Commitment', published 2007 under ISBN 9780743291385 and ISBN 0743291387.