Normal Children Have Problems, Too How Parents Can Understand and Help

ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR CHILD? Eight-year-old Joshua looks unhappy most of the time. He is easily disappointed and reduced to tears. Playmates don't call as much, and Joshua says sadly that no one likes him. He has become whiny, and he shadows his mother around the apartment. Joshua's parents argue about the best way to deal with him. Joshua's father believes that his son would make friends and feel better if he participated in sports. He has enrolled Joshua in a soccer league and insists that the boy join him for a daily workout. Joshua's mother thinks her husband's approach is too simplistic. She urges her son to talk about his feelings. To boost his self-esteem, she compliments him lavishly and tells him often how much she loves him. But sometimes even she becomes exasperated by Joshua's behavior: She angrily tells him to stop pestering her and to go out and do something instead of just feeling sorry for himself Afterward, she is overwhelmed by remorse and doubles her efforts to be caring and understanding. * * * Joanna is four, and the director of her preschool has asked her parents to make another child-care arrangement by the end of the month. Joanna's teacher complains that she disrupts the class: She protests loudly when an activity is over and refuses to clean up; she won't lie down at nap time or sit still for a story. On the playground, she's too impatient to wait her turn for the riding toys and pushes other children out of line. The school director has suggested testing her for ADD. Joanna's parents are devastated by their daughter's expulsion from preschool. At the same time, they're exasperated with her, since she's defiant at home as well. Daily life--from getting Joanna dressed in the morning to putting her to bed at night--is a series of power struggles. Her mother feels humiliated and confused. She's bombarded by conflicting advice from friends, relatives, and even strangers who witness Joanna's public misbehavior. Her father, who occasionally explodes at his daughter's disobedience and swats her on the behind, guiltily wonders if his bad example is behind her aggressive behavior. * * * Rosemary's mother doesn't recognize her twelve-year-old daughter. Rosemary, an only child, had always been loving and well-behaved. Now she's increasingly angry and defiant. In school, her usual A's have slid to B's and C's, and her provocative behavior recently prompted a call from the guidance counselor. Five years ago, when Rosemary was seven, her father left the family; she has had little contact with him since. When her mom began dating again, Rosemary seemed enthusiastic. But her attitude changed when her mother became involved in a serious relationship. Last year her mother remarried, and things went from bad to worse. Rosemary greets her mother's concerned overtures with a wall of impenetrable silence, punctuated by explosions: "Just leave me alone! All you care about is him!" Though Rosemary's stepfather tries to be understanding, the mother feels torn between her daughter and her new husband. The stepfather downplays the girl's behavior as normal adolescent rebellion. But her mother wonders if Rosemary has suffered emotional damage because she once again feels abandoned by a parent. * * * Myra and Ellen, sisters ages six and nine, bicker constantly. They argue over whose turn it is to pick the TV show; who gets to eat the last cookie; who sits behind the driver in the car--and who is to blame for their quarreling. Though their parents bend over backward to be evenhanded, both youngsters seize upon their slightest inconsistency and accuse them of playing favorites. The girls' mother, an only child who always longed for a sister, is baffled by the conflict between her daughters. Their father, whose own sisters became estranged as adults after a bitter quarrel, struggles to make peace beTurecki, Stanley K. is the author of 'Normal Children Have Problems, Too How Parents Can Understand and Help' with ISBN 9780553374384 and ISBN 0553374389.