Love as a Way of Life

Introduction My daughter, Shelley, and I boarded the plane in Phoenix feeling fortunate that we had been bumped to first class. I was assigned 4A, however, and she was seated in 7A, both window seats. All twenty-eight seats in first class were full, so we were hoping that someone would be willing to change seats so that we could be together for the four-hour flight. Shelley said to the man seated in the aisle seat beside 7A, "Would you be willing to change seats so that I can sit with my father?" "Is it an aisle seat?" the man asked. "No, it's a window seat." "Can't do that," he said. "Don't like crawling over people to get out." "I can understand that," Shelley responded as she took her seat. A bit later the man who had been assigned the aisle seat beside me arrived. I said, "Would you be interested in sitting in Seven A so that my daughter and I could sit together?" He glanced back at 7A and said, "I'd be happy to." "I really appreciate that," I said. "Not a problem," he replied with a smile as he picked up his paper and moved to 7A. Later I reflected on that incident. What accounted for the two different responses? The men were about the same age; late fifties or early sixties was my guess. Both were dressed in business attire. Yet one held to his aisle seat with tenacity, while the other freely gave up the aisle to accommodate our desire. Could it be that one man had a daughter and the other did not? Could it be that the man who freely gave up the aisle seat really preferred a window seat? Or was it just that they had gone to different kindergartens and had different mothers? Had one been taught to share and help people, while the other to "look out for number one"? Did one have a loving gene that the other did not get? For decades I have observed similar events, both large and small, and have asked myself,What makes the difference between "lovers" and those people who seldom show an attitude of concern and care for others? What are the characteristics of loving people? How were these character traits developed? In the past year, trying to answer these questions, I have traveled the country observing behavior, interviewing people, reading available research, and examining religious teachings and practices. I have also drawn upon my thirty-five years of experience as a marriage and family counselor. In the course of this study of love, I've named what I believe are the seven characteristics of a loving person: Kindness Patience Forgiveness Humility Courtesy Generosity Honesty These seven traits are not vague feelings or good intentions. They are habits we learn to practice when we decide to become authentically loving people. They are basic, practical traits that are doable in everyday life. Yet the result of making these traits a habit is remarkable: satisfaction in relationships. Love is multifaceted. It is like a diamond with many surfaces yet one display of beauty. In a similar way, when put together, the seven key characteristics of love form a loving person. Each trait is critical. If you are missing one in your relationships, you are missing something significant. I believe these traits are the keys not only to successful relationships but to success in all of life. That's because the only way to find true satisfaction in life is to love others well. How to Use This Book InLove as a Way of Lifeyou will find many stories from people acChapman, Gary is the author of 'Love as a Way of Life' with ISBN 9781400072583 and ISBN 1400072581.