I Heart My In-laws Falling in Love With His Family--one Passive-aggressive, Over-indulgent, Grandkid-craving, Streisand-loving, Bible-thumping In-law at a Time

Introduction Yours is the story of true love. You met at eHarmony.com. You both like pugs. Your second date was a private tour of the planetarium. Now you share a cell phone plan, shop for organic bread at Whole Foods, and faithfully watch America's Next Top Model together. Happily, you've tossed away your highlighted copy of He's Just Not That Into You, because now you've met someone who is totally into you. Congratulations on finding your soul matean impressive task in a world of six billion men and women. He understands your ritual of trying on at least three shirts before you leave the house. And you overlook his ponytail, even though you hint that 1995 called and wants its hairstyle back. The rose-tinted glasses are firmly affixed, because you're head-over-heels in love. And then, the unbelievable happens. He arranges for a romantic dinner. He fills your home with roses, and on bended knee, he pops the question: "Do you want to meet my family?" You sweat. You panic. You rub your clammy palms along your pants and nearly vomit into the foie gras terrine. Then you smile: "Of course, I'd love to meet your family. When?" . . . because I need enough time to lose ten pounds, retouch my highlights, get a pedicure, and study up on twelfth-century maritime trade practices, not to mention the early Picasso charcoals. A brief look at history will tell us that Adam and Eve were the luckiest couple in the world. Yes, they were tempted by a serpent, banished from paradise, and parented sons who murdered each other. But they did not have in-laws. You will. Sure, you seek guidance from: Esteban, a.k.a. magic hands, your hairstylist, whose boyfriend's parents don't know he exists. Maya, your coworker, who hasn't even had a boyfriend in five years and has no idea what you're yammering on about. Rick, the self-help radio host, who advises to look inside yourself for answers. But do these people really know what to wear, what gifts to buy, and what to do when vacationing with your entire in-law family next week? Because when you're suspended a hundred feet in the air on a chairlift with your mother-in-law and she asks you about your ten-year plan, you're on your own. And yet, you don't have to be. In your hands, you are holding the bedrock of practical advice on how to deal with your in-laws. A guidebook. A road map. A beacon of hope and light when, for the fiftieth time, you've told your in-laws what you do at your computer hi-tech company and that your name is Christy, not Crispy. Finally, desperate daughters-in-law, girlfriends, and fiancees can draw upon a full array of sanity-retention techniques for your first meeting straight through to the day your sweetie's family sells all their worldly possessions as part of spiritual cleansing, and then calls to borrow your coffeemaker. You can now sidestep pitfalls, blunders, and awkward situations that hundreds of daughters-in-law have stumbled into unaware. Statistics show thatalong with moneyin-law problems are one of the top causes of divorce. A beaten path lies before you. So, enjoy standing on the shoulders of others who have stood before you. Relish being told stories of in-laws worse than your own! And, savor the next time your sister-in-law challenges you to the game of "who is smarter," because you are. Copyright 2007 by Dina Koutas Poch. All rights reserved.Poch, Dina Koutas is the author of 'I Heart My In-laws Falling in Love With His Family--one Passive-aggressive, Over-indulgent, Grandkid-craving, Streisand-loving, Bible-thumping In-law at a Time', published 2007 under ISBN 9780805082791 and ISBN 0805082794.