Doing It Right

Am I Ready? In chapter 3 we talked about puberty and what happens to your body as you grow from a child into an adult. All those changes -- breasts growing, hair appearing in new places, changes in your genitals, getting your period, having your first wet dream -- mean that your body is ready to have sex. Being physically ready is one thing, but how do you know if you're readyemotionally? The fact that you're reading this chapter probably means you're asking yourself this question. Becoming sexually active is a big deal. Having sex can be a great experience. But it also comes with a lot of consequences. Sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy are very real risks, so you'll want to make sure you're informed and ready to take precautions (you can learn how in chapters 5 and 6). In addition, sex can bring on a lot of feelings you might not be prepared for. If you have sex with someone you feel really strongly about, those feelings might deepen if you have sex with them -- which can be both wonderful and a little scary. If you have sex with someone you don't feel that strongly about, you could find yourself feeling more attached to them, whether you want to or not. I'm not trying to discourage you from having sex. But I want to be sure that if you do, you'll think about it carefully. For starters, why do you want to have sex? There may be lots of reasons: You have a steady girlfriend or boyfriend, you've been getting closer to each other, and sex just feels like the natural next step. : You're curious -- everyone is talking about sex, and now you want to experience it for yourself. You're just plain horny! Sex is all you can think about, and you'd rather do it than think about it. You feel you're old enough. Sex is something people your age do. But maybe you're not sure if you're ready. Everyone is different, and everyone feels ready at different times. The important thing is not to have sex before you are ready, and only you can figure out when that is. Does Age Matter? The law tells you when you're old enough to drink, drive, and vote, and believe it or not, it has rules about when you're old enough to consent to sex, too. Someone above the age of consent who has sex with someone below the age of consent can be charged with a crime. Age of consent varies from state to state, but in most states it ranges from sixteen to eighteen. For specific information on your state, go to www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm, and for more information on consent, see chapter 14. Lots of people consent to sex before they're allowed to according to the law. Young people don't usually get into legal trouble for having sex with another young person unless someone (like a parent) presses charges, but it's something to keep in mind when making the decision to have sex. That being said, no one can tell you an age when you're ready to have sex. There can be lots of pressure, but the only good reason to do it is because you know you're ready. If you don't know that, then wait. Having sex can make you feel very grown-up. But here's another thing that can make you feel grown-up: making your own decision, one that's right for you, no matter what other people around you are doing. Ready or Not, Here I Come! You may not be ready, but maybe your partneris. It can be tough having a boyfriend or girlfriend who is ready for sex when you're not. That's a situation requiring a very honest conversation. Talk about why you don't feel ready, and ask for patience. In addition, talk about the ways you can be close without having intercourse, and be clear about what kinds of touching youarecomfortable with. You will have to do some serious talking in this conversation, but make sure you do a lot of listening, too. Even talking about the ways you enjoy touching each other canPardes, Bronwen is the author of 'Doing It Right ', published 2007 under ISBN 9781416918233 and ISBN 141691823X.